


Inside My Head

by flannelfeelings



Series: The Trauma of Falling [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas loves food, Castiel Loves Dean, Dean Loves Castiel, Dean Takes Care of Castiel, Domestic, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fallen Castiel, Food, Human Castiel, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Dean Winchester, Sleepy Cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-20
Updated: 2014-10-20
Packaged: 2018-02-21 21:37:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2483315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flannelfeelings/pseuds/flannelfeelings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes Cas has nightmares about the fall and his PTSD kicks in</p>
<p>And always, Dean comforts him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inside My Head

Normally, Dean wakes up to the incredible warmth of Castiel’s body. He isn’t sure why the ex-angel is so hot all the time, maybe it’s the faint remnants of angelic grace, or just that his body has to work extra hard to keep him healthy since he hasn’t had 30+ years to build up immunities, but Dean loves it. He’ll roll on his side and run a hand up Cas’ flushed, soft skin, which gets them both up and moving. Sometimes though, like tonight, he wakes up to an empty bed and cool, crisp sheets. The indent of Cas’ body is still present in the foam of the mattress, which means he’s gotten up only recently.

Dean pulls himself into a sitting position, rubbing his eyes and climbing out of bed. Eyes scanning the room, he discovers the bathroom door is closed and the light inside it blazing. He stumbles tiredly toward it, and knocks a few times. “Cas?” he calls softly, “are you alright?”

He fears that this is what he thinks it is; Cas must’ve had another nightmare about the fall and he’s locked himself away. This happens sometimes, seeing as Cas went through an irrevocable trauma. Falling from Heaven and becoming human isn’t something he can just recover from in an instant. So Dean tries to be there for him during moments like this, but it can be difficult when Cas shuts him out. Even though he feels like he’s invading Cas’ space, Dean opens the bathroom door and enters hesitantly. Cas is curled in a ball beside the bathtub, face buried in his knees so just his thick, dark hair is visible. His body trembles rhythmically, like he’s freezing, but beads of sweat pool around his forehead and hairline. He’s wearing a pair of Dean’s old pajama pants -from his more slender days- and his gray t-shirt is moist with sweat as if he’d just run a marathon.

“Cas,” Dean moves to sit beside him, but the action makes Castiel flinch away hard, curling even tighter into himself. “Hey Cas look at me,” Dean insists, kneeling before him and tenderly reaching out a hand.

Cas whimpers, honest-to-god _whimpers_ , “Please don’t touch me.”

Instantly, Dean rears back, hands up in surrender, “Sorry Cas. Would you look at me though?”

Still shaking violently, Cas brings his head up to face Dean. His cerulean eyes are liquidy and red-rimmed, his face pallor and sickly. His chapped lips are trembling, little whines echoing from them every few moments. “Bad dream?” Dean guesses, offering up a weak smile.

Cas nods, still sniffling and shaking, “t-they were falling all around me, I couldn’t do anything..it was _all my fault_.”

“Hey Cas no, c’mere.” Dean holds his arms out, and this time, Cas scoots closer, leaning his head against Dean’s chest, “Cas it wasn’t your fault, you were trying your best. They know that. I know that, and I still love you.”

Cas wipes his arm across his snotty nose and looks up at Dean through liquidated eyes, “you _what_?”

Dean’s face feels hot, “C’mon Cas, you know I love you.”

Cas laughs breathlessly, his flushed cheeks cooling down a little, “I love you too Dean.”

“Want to get up? I’ll make you something to eat?”

Cas perks up at the mention of food; one of his favorite things about being human. He tells Dean he’s never actually tasted food before, just the molecules of it, so actually having some flavor is incredible. Besides, his taste buds are brand spankin new, so every new taste is more potent. Sometimes that’s a bad thing, and sometimes it’s good. Dean leans down and helps Cas unsteadily to his feet. The ex-angel clings to Dean’s chest, leaning on his stocky frame for support. They make their way into the kitchen of the bunker, and Dean walks Cas to the table. He plops down heavily, rubbing at his now dry eyes as he watches Dean set about his cooking. He starts off by making Cas tea with three spoonfuls of honey because “ _Dean it’s delicious!_ ” and sets the steaming mug in front of him. It’s Cas’ favorite mug; it’s shaped like a pug dog, and has droopy lips and eyes. Cas had seen it once at a garage sale and absolutely squealed with excitement because it was so cute. Cas smiles down at the pug mug as he brings it to his lips and sips the liquid. His eyes trail over Dean’s body as the taller man begins making Cas’ favorite, grilled cheese with apple slices in it. Dean thinks it’s disgusting, but Cas insists that it’s fucking amazing. He sets the sandwich in front of Cas, who begins devouring it like he hasn’t eaten in years.

“Jesus Cas, if you were so hungry why didn’t you tell me?” Dean inquires.

“I didn’t know,” he admits, “I’m still getting the hang of what’s...normal.” Dean sighs and sits beside him, rubbing his back softly while he eats, “Are you gonna be okay?”

Cas smiles lightly at Dean through his mouthful, “I’m alright Dean, thanks to you.”

Dean waits patiently for Cas to finish eating, and eagerly obliges when Cas bashfully asks for seconds. Dean’s just really glad to see Cas eating so much; when he first fell it had been difficult for him to force down much. His stomach needed a lot of stretching to do before it could handle more than a few bites of solid food. Sam helped out a lot with that, making Cas protein shakes and smoothies and helping to ease him into regular meals. When Cas is done with the second sandwich and his entire cup of tea, Dean puts the dishes in the dishwasher and slinks his arm around Castiel’s waist. They walk together back into their room, and lay down on the soft mattress.

“Thank you Dean,” Cas whispers earnestly, “I don’t know how I’d carry on without you.”

Dean pulls Cas against his body, reveling in the warmth his creamy skin emits, “Of course Cas. I’m always going to be here for you. You’ll always be my angel, and I’d rather have you, fallen or not.”

Cas sniffs once, touched by Dean’s words, “I really do love you.”

“And I love you, little angel.”


End file.
